I keep re-reading the post below and thinking that not only is my depression from last week very obvious (tho' Jane assures me it's not) but that perhaps a cynicism that I really don't feel is apparent there.
So I thought, perhaps I should revisit this post and try to convey a bit more of my thinking on what is now my authentic life? (You be sure and leave me a comment - even if it's, wish you'd left well-enough alone and would move ON!)
Since this is a slightly more sane moment for me, let me tell you that I'm usually not afraid for myself economically. I can support myself (of course, I may be doing this into my 90s if someone will let me work for them, or will pay for my crafts, and I'm still alive and kicking by then!) and have for many years. If I'm living more paycheck-to-paycheck than I would prefer, I suppose I could consider giving up some of my "luxuries" but yarn and fabric, kitty food and vet bills, not to mention cable internet connection and cell phone are pretty necessary to how I live my life, and these are about the only places I can see to cut corners...since health care and rising fuel costs take an ever-increasing bite out of our paychecks these days.
My health is generally pretty good, tho' I do have that tachycardia when upset. But I know how to deal with it, as unpleasant as it is. However, it does cost quite a bit to maintain my health, now that I'm approaching my 50th birthday, with heart disease and SLE in my medical records. I'm grateful I can manage that most of the time.
I'm the idealist I've always been, believing that we are the caretakers of our society, and we have to voice concern when we see something happening (politically, socially) that goes against our beliefs. I take issue with people assuming they know where I stand (few do, and I'll not discuss it on my blogs). I'm more conservative than many, more liberal than a few. I come from strong Socialist stock (turn of the century grandparents - the 1900s, not the 2000s!) and have a strong Business Management background, but see flaws in the thinking on both sides there, so don't use that information to classify me, either! ;)
I have a long list of "shoulds" that will never be seen where our political environment is concerned (at least not in my lifetime). I'm not a fence-sitter ideologically. My representatives know whether or not they can count on my vote at re-election time.
But I put my energies in very specific places these days. Which I guess is why I wanted to address the issue of an authentic life once again.
You see, I think I do live a truly authentic life. I think the above tells you that, stating that my politics is personal - period. I don't like to publically air it, unlike what you find on a lot of blogs today...
What matters to me most are pretty simple things: ensuring the success of my business in an attempt to secure my financial future, being a nana to two boys with a third grandchild on the way, caring for the pets I adopted till the end of their natural days (two of whom are nearing the time to cross the Rainbow Bridge), nurturing a long-term relationship with a man I've loved for many, many years, being a good friend and family member, and being a good employee in an organization with values I support.
If my apartment is a tad untidy, my yarn and fabric stash a bit over-the-top, my bank account smaller than I'd like, so be it. In my authentic life it is the term "relationships" that is key.