Friday, January 27, 2012


I promised to share this when I received it. It's quickly become the one piece of jewelry I wear, and, true to it's intended purpose, it reminds me regularly that I'm trying extra hard to be enveloped with kindness, towards others, and especially towards myself.

I've a bad habit of negative thinking towards myself, not just the bad behaviors of saying "yes" too often, both in piling on commitments and in opening the purse to pay for something more..anything more, but the verbage that runs in my head that chastises me for failing perfection. I even caught myself saying "You idiot!" and meaning myself. Interesting how often that apparently has happened in my life, and even more fascinating that I'm only *just* picking up on that! (There's a part of me that says, "Isn't it about time you figured this out?" and the answer I'm trying to give when that particular tape runs is "It's okay, you're figuring it out now and will move forward without it.")

Then in the actions that are detrimental section? If I'm stressed or bored? It's always been okay to just use a bit of retail therapy. Well, I've been more aware and instead have surfed on over to Ravelry, searching for free knitting patterns, then diving into stash to figure out what I have that will work to make this new lovely (whatever I've found).

I'm trying to get myself to the point of saying, okay, with this reduction in spending there will be an increase in saving, but frankly? I'm trying to pay down some older debt, and while I do want to start saving, with rates what they are, I think I'm probably better off paying the debt off first.

So methinks that this lovely little charms necklace is helping, just in the few days I've had it! YAY!

And yes, it's not lost on me, that by purchasing this, I spent money. However, I did support a craftsperson I care about. This isn't about denying myself, it's about being intentional and thinking before I do something. Making sure I'm being thoughtful and aware in everything I do and think. While I know it sounds as if it's an entirely "me-focus," I believe I've already seen a difference in the way in which I relate to others, because with ahimsa, it's non-harming, honoring, caring for everything and everyone. I think my mindset has taken a kinder path recently and for that, yay! Gaining patience, thinking before saying things to ensure that what I say won't hurt the feelings of someone else is very other-focused.

And obviously, I not perfect. I am watching the one step forward, two back trend to this, but I think the forward steps will become more numerous and the backward ones, fewer and farther between.

And that's what it's all about!

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